Sunday, June 15, 2008

When You Get Older, We'll Go To The Beach Again.

This evening, while searching my dad's study for The Remains of the Day, I came across a green, unmarked book that turned out to be a journal of letters from my parents, written to my baby sister. Rebbekah died when she was two years old, in 1994. I suppose it is somehow wrong to be reading these letters, but I couldn't really keep myself from it. When she passed away, I was only five years old, and I don't remember an awful lot about her, so I can't blindly pass the journal.

The letters begin when Bekah was in the hospital. She spent the first three months there because she was born prematurely, at twenty five weeks. We had to leave her in the city and come home for a few days, which simply killed my mother. She writes about how she wishes so to be able to hold her and kiss her, and assures her that people all across the country are praying for her. Reading these makes Rebbekah so much more real to me, more defined - real to the point of crying, when I can't even recall enough to miss her in the common sense of the word. Really, it doesn't add up in the sense of mourning a loss, but, rather, simply that my sister was here and now she is gone. I guess it comes from hearing my parents speak to her like that. I apparently called her 'my baby.' I loved her, and I know that the people who mean the most to me in this world did as well. Thus the tears, I suppose.

At some point, we went to Disneyworld, and I told Bekah (my mother has written on my behalf in the journal): [When you get older] we'll go to the beach again. We went to see Micky and Minnie and their show. When you get older, we'll go on the Merry-Go-Round.

Later, my father writes 'who knows where we'll all be when you're old enough to read this? Goodnight, Angel.' This is the second-to-last entry, and is written on April 12, 1993. One year later, my grandmother would pass away, following my sister by five days.

I would like to also note that Bridge Over Troubled Water just happened to come onto my iTunes.

When you're weary, feeling small
When tears are in your eyes,
I will dry them all.
I'm on your side
When times get rough
And friends just can't be found.

Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down.
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down.

When you're down and out,
When you're on the street,
When evening falls so hard
I will comfort you.
I'll take your part
When darkness comes
And pain is all around.

Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down.
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down.

Sail on silver girl,
Sail on by.
Your time has come to shine.
All your dreams are on their way;
See how they shine.
When you need a friend,
I'm sailing right behind.

Like a bridge over troubled water
I will ease your mind.
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will ease your mind.


And He did. Sail on, silver girl.

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